Waiting On God

If I could name the season of my life that I am emerging from, I might call it ‘Pause’ and the one before possibly ‘Square One’. My life got turned upside down in so many ways that I wasn’t prepared for. It felt like my microcosm snowball was turned upside down and shaken and just when I thought the dust settled, there was aftershock after aftershock. Oh boy, I’ll tell you straight up, in the beginning, I thought that I was being torn to shreds. I didn’t expect that my journey with the Lord would be a walk in the park or anything, but no one told me that I’d be drafted either! My God and General of the Army got straight to work, ironing me out and toughening me up in many ways. I learned that I have been relying on myself for everything for so long and now it was out of my hands, not in my control. No control?! Back then, I’d faint at the thought. Now I look back and can see just how God has been at work (and still is) at shaping the person that He created me to be.

Now, although life isn’t perfect, I feel that I am in the aftereffects of the aftershock. Moving into a new season but still waiting on things. The Lord reminds me all the time to just trust Him. “You mean to tell me to trust You when I don’t have a map of where I’m going?” I’d say in conversation with the Lord. The Lord smiles and says “Yes.” I used to be so anxious I couldn’t move, looking at external sources for confirmation that everything was good to go, getting so paranoid that things in my life would crumble. And they did, glory to God. I have never been happier for ‘failure’ in my life, but something that is so challenging is waiting…and waiting…and waiting…Let’s be real, in this day and age, one of the hardest things to do is wait.

For a very long while, I have been asking God for patience and to help me trust Him and have come to realize that when we ask God for something, He is bound to do it in HIS way and in HIS timing. For example, when we ask the Lord for patience, He will put us in situations that test our patience. And trust me, the Lord has allowed situations in my life where I was a hair away from tweaking out, but in those moments, I had to be honest with Him and He helped me through it. In John 15:5, Jesus says, “I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing.” How silly would we be trying to produce a fruit of the Spirit without the Spirit? In moments where we getting put through the wringer, God is at work, purifying our hearts and purging the things from us that don’t belong.

There are many lessons that one can learn when faced with difficult situations. Either sink or swim. If you stay idle, you will lose out and if you take a chance, there’s a chance you can lose. That’s where faith comes into play. After I finished a large project, I thought, “Okay, now we’re cookin’. I’m going to do, x,y, and z and it’ll be great!” (Wishing Proverbs 27:1: “Do not boast about tomorrow, For you do not know what a day may bring forth.” bonked me on the head back then.) Then came a pause. And then the pause got longer. I can honestly say for a bit of the pause, I felt like I was wallowing in the wait. Sometimes, our rigid expectation of an outcome blinds us to other possibilities that are out there. Sometimes, without a bullet point list of what to do and where to go, it can be incredibly scary to take a step forward. It just doesn’t seem logical. Well, as it turns out, the most logistical thing that one can do is to put their faith in God and to be still and know that He is God (referenced from Psalm 46:10).

I thank God for brothers and sisters that encouraged me to step out. One night in particular, a sister in Christ that I don’t see often gave me Godly council and encouraged me out of apathy. People don’t often know the depth of remarkable awakening that their words have in others’ lives, but, oh, how God uses them. Coming out of slumber, Holy Spirit led me to do something that I’d never done before. He implanted a thought in my mind to get a laptop with little to no idea what I’d do with it besides type because I missed writing and shortly after led me to pick up a drawing tablet that we thought didn’t work for a year and some change. This instance not only revived my dreams but allowed me to step into new places that God had set out for me. In that time, I knew that there was something more that God wanted me to do, I just didn’t know what. Surrendering to His will opened such doors for me that I cannot even fathom.

The opening lyrics to a song that I like go: “Your waiting time wasn’t wasted time.” and that rings incredibly true. While we are waiting on God, He waits on us to move forward in faith. Yes, of course, there are times when He tells us to be still, but even in those times, we are not to be completely stagnant. In fact, I am reminded of the book of Acts, when followers of Jesus were told to tarry. They didn’t just sit there twiddling their thumbs, they were in deep prayer awaiting the coming of God’s Holy Spirit. Prayer is paramount to our Christian walk, the way that we connect in conversation to our Father. Jesus paid the price with His precious life so that we could have this connection with Him. In our waiting time, we are to pray, seek God more (Matthew 6:33: “But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.”), and breathe knowing and trusting that He has our best interest at heart even when it doesn’t feel like anything external is happening.

The Lord blesses patience, and His ways are higher than ours. In Isaiah 55:8-9, the Lord says: “For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts.” There are so many things that I’d never step into if not for the moments of pause in my life. So many callings I wouldn’t have answered if not for the lack of opportunity to go everywhere I wanted when I wanted. In order to use me, the Lord needed me to be still for a period of time. I’m not going to lie to you; I had and still at times (more often than I’d like to admit) have a hard time being still. I thought to myself, “As soon as x issue is resolved, I’M O-U-T!” God will lovingly dismantle your plans, and it will break you down so that He can build you back up. At first, you might not recognize that it’s love and confuse it as punishment when we don’t get our own desired outcome, but as we grow in maturity, we realize that God knows things we don’t, sees far beyond what we can see, and is better equipped to steward His plan for our lives than we will ever be. Psalm 139:12: “Indeed, the darkness shall not hide from You, But the night shines as the day; The darkness and the light are both alike to You.” God knows all and sees all.

Sometimes what seems like losing control is putting God in control and that’s exactly where He wants to be. Not because He is some maniacal controlling figure, but because He cares so deeply for us. He wouldn’t have given us free will otherwise—He wants us to choose Him. To love Him. To trust in Him. The things that we might be holding onto could wilt in a short time, but God’s plan for us will never fail. Although it can be difficult to just ‘Let go and let God’ as the adage goes, it is the most freeing thing we could ever do. God has our best in mind. So today, if you’re driving yourself half mad trying to rush things and being anxious about a future that is not in your own hands, take a deep breath. Waiting on God isn’t easy, but the fruit of it is so sweet and so worth it. Trust in His timing and know that He desires the very best for His children.